AFTER EFFECT OF MARRIAGE

Marriage lays the foundation of a family. According to me, getting married is a must! You need to find the right person to get married to. There are two different ways that we generally follow to get married, either arranged marriage or love marriage. The former is the most commonly followed in India. However while considering both, I found out that there are certain side effects related to both the types. Let us consider one at a time.
where each time I hear the phrase “Arranged Marriage”, I recollect the song of “Apache Indian”. He goes on to describe the girl he wants to get married to “me want gal, to look after me, to make me roti…” The concept of arranged marriages is the usual norm followed in India. It is how most of the Indians get married. No matter how westernized India may have become arranged marriages are still preferred in most of the Indian families. The concepts of arranged marriage may sound impractical to the Western world but for Indians it is something they favor. It is a system, which originated when child marriage was a custom in the country.
If we consider the side effects of arranged marriage, the first thing that comes to my mind is that the boy and the girl do not get to know their future spouses before marriage. Two unknown people get married without knowing and understanding each other. I have heard of many cases from my friends that girls even do not get the opportunity to see their bridegroom before marriage. In case of arranged marriagesthe marriage itself is the beginning. They will have to start from the scratch, know each other, fall in love or rather you have to fall in love, as you have no other choice.
The matching of kundalis (horoscopes) is a must, but does that mean that the partners are compatible mentally, emotionally and also physically. One fine day you will suddenly find a person totally unknown to you and it is decided that you ought to live the rest of your life with him. According to me the rest of the life comes later, at that point of time you feel how to spend a day with him. Everything turns out to be in a haphazard condition. These are some drawbacks that one face in an arranged marriage. I also had an arranged marriage. For me it was like staying with a stranger. I remember the mornings when I used to get up and get baffled as to who was sleeping beside me and at times I used to even get afraid. But then things get all settled and you feel afraid when that person is not there beside you. That is called ‘Love’, which turns everything at ease.
Not all the love stories in love marriages have happy endings. In love marriages you come to know each other quite well, as you get to spend time with each other, fall in love, and then decide to get married. Although there is other side of the coin too, which I believe is very true. Staying with a person under the same shelter requires lot of adjustments, patience and understanding from both. Even after you spend hours with each other, situation after marriage is totally different.
In love marriages there is nothing new to discover which at times may end up making your life boring. When two people are in love, they are at their best to impress each other. They behave, they talk and they wear what the other person likes. It is after marriage that you get to know the person behind the mask. On the other hand there are couples who are still discovering each other even after several years of their marriage. This is the actual beauty of a relationship where everyday you discover a new thing about your partner.
Love or arranged both are based on empathy, responsibility, commitment, love and concern. It’s not just about initial love and attraction it needs a lot of dedication and effort to sustain a marriage. So there is nothing like an ideal marriage it’s all about the way you perceive your marriage. After all you should be happy with your life partner irrespective of love or arranged marriage.

– SANJAY SINGH CHAHAR

WEDDING RITUALS IN AP

The rituals conducted by the Telugu speaking people during the ceremonious occasion of wedding are different from those conducted in neighboring southern states of India. In Andhra Pradesh, the Telugu people follow their own traditions, while conducting a wedding. The bride’s maternal uncle and her brother play a prominent role at the time of the her marriage.
Telugu wedding ceremony is organized in a unique way. It is an elaborate affair, wherein a number of rituals are conducted before, during and after the marriage. The preparations for the festive occasion start with the finalization of the wedding date, which is done well before the ‘important day’. As a part of the customary, the Telugu people call on an astrologer to fix a date and time (muhurtham) for the auspicious occasion. This paves the way to the commencement of the preparations for the wedding, which are done in the most elaborate, colorful and vivacious way.
All the rituals conducted throughout the Telugu wedding ceremony hold religious significance. Each element in the ceremonies is connected with the other and is given special importance. Some people also conduct a couple of pujas prior to the wedding, so that the ceremony is organized without any hassle. This makes Telugu marriage a marvelous event to witness. One would be keen in looking at the way the bride is handed over to the groom by her father (kanyadaan) and the methods by which the groom ties the mangalsutra around her neck. In this section, we have given detailed information on the Telugu wedding ceremony.
The rituals conducted by the Telugu speaking people during the ceremonious occasion of wedding are different from those conducted in neighboring southern states of India. In Andhra Pradesh, the Telugu people follow their own traditions, while conducting a wedding. The bride’s maternal uncle and her brother play a prominent role at the time of the her marriage. Apart from being an event that calls for religious observance, the traditional Telugu wedding consists of some fun moments as well. If you want to know more about the Telugu wedding rituals, then this article is what you need. Here, we have provided comprehensive information on the ceremonies conducted during traditional Telugu marriage.
Telgue wedding customs are as follows:
Muhurtham
An auspicious time for the marriage, also known as muhurtham, is chosen by the family astrologer. The Telugu people generally avoid months including Aashad, Bhadrapad and Shunya, because they are considered inauspicious time for the ceremonious occasion.
Pendlikoothuru
In the Pendlikoothuru ceremony, turmeric paste and oil is smeared to the bride and the groom, at their respective homes. This is done to cleanse their skin, so that a natural glow is radiated. After bathing the bride and the groom, they are given a new set of clothing to wear. The bride is adorned with flowers and jewelry.
Snathakam
Snathakam ritual takes place at the bridegroom’s residence before the muhurtham. As a part of this custom, the groom is asked to wear a silver thread on his body. The ritual is conducted a few hours prior to the wedding.
Kashi Yatra
After reciting the Vedic verses, the groom pretends to go on a Kashi yatra. He shows that he has discarded the worldly pleasure an is no more interested in leading a family life. He is then stopped by the brother of the bride, who persuades him to assume the responsibility of a householder.
Mangala Snaanam
As a part of Mangala Snaanam custom, the bride and groom are required to take an auspicious bath on the wedding day. The aim is to purify them and make them prepared to perform sacred rites.
Aarti

Oil is applied to the bride and groom at their respective houses. Thereafter, the family members get together to perform Aarti. They pray to Lord to give wisdom to the bride and groom to lead their life happily.
Ganesh And Gowri Puja
Before the wedding ceremony, the groom attends the Ganesh pooja, which is conducted at the mandapam.
Kanyadaan
Kanyadaan is the ceremony in which the girl’s family hands over their daughter’s responsibility to the groom. During the ceremony, the bride sits in a bamboo basket. Her maternal uncle brings her to the mandapam. Until the completion of the kanyadaan, the bride and the groom are not allowed to look at each other and therefore, they are separated by a curtain that is place between them, as a partition. Thereafter, the bride’s parents wash the groom’s feet, assuming him as an ‘avatar’ of God.
Jeelakarra Bellamu & Madhuparkam
The priest recites the shlokas from the Vedas. Thereafter, the couple is asked to smear a paste made from cumin seeds and jaggery on each other’s hands. This custom is referred to as Jeelakarra-Bellamu. This ceremony is observed to communicate that the relationship of the married couple is unbreakable and inseparable.As a part of Madhuparkam ritual, the bride dresses up in white cotton sari with red border. On the other hand, the groom wears white dhoti with red border. White is the color for purity and red is for strength.
Sumangli
Ten married women (sumangalis) accompany the bride. Six out of the ten women hold plates containing a mixture of rice and turmeric powder, while the rest of the four hold small lit lamps in their respective plates. Rice represents abundance, while the lit lamps symbolize light.
Tying of the Mangalsutra
In order to perform the ritual, the partition between the bride and the groom are removed. After removing the partition, the groom ties the two strings of the mangalsutra, each with a golden disc, around the groom’s neck. The mangalsutra
represents the physical, mental and spiritual union of the couple. In the Telugu wedding, the groom ties three knots of mangalsutra.
Kanya Daan Akshata
In the Kanya Daan Akshata ceremony, the bride and groom exchange garlands. People witnessing this occasion come forward to bless the couple, by sprinkling flower petals and rice coated with turmeric powder.
Saptapadi
As a part of the Saptapadi ritual, the groom and bride walk seven steps together around the fire, while chanting mantras. When the pheras are conducted, the pallu of bride’s sari is tied to one end of the groom’s dhoti.
Sthaalipaakam
Sthaalipaakam is a ritual wherein the groom adorns the feet of the bride with silver toe rings. In order to ward-off the evil eye, she is asked to wear a string of black beads during the ceremony.
Grihapravesh
After the culmination of the wedding ceremony, the bride is formally taken to the groom’s house. This is called grihapravesh of the bride. As she steps into her new home, she is welcomed by the groom’s family members, including his mother and close relatives.
Uniting The Mangalsutra
Grihapravesh is followed by a ceremony, wherein the mangalsutra is united. As a customary, the Telugu speaking people unite the two mangalsutras (which was tied by the groom around the bride’s neck), on a common thread. This ritual is done sixteen days post wedding. This ritual can be performed by either the groom or an elderly member of the family. A few black or golden beads are slipped between the two ‘plates’ of the mangalsutra, so that they do not clash with each other. The unison of mangalsutra signifies the harmony between the two families. After the ceremony is over, the bride takes a bath and wears a new sari.

– SANJAY SINGH CHAHAR

INDIAN ARRANGED MARRIAGES

Arranged marriages vary in both nature and duration of time from meeting to engagement. In arranged marriage, the parents may only introduce their son or daughter to a potential spouse.Most of the People of India basically follow the arranged marriage system, and they consider it as something great. Dating is a taboo in that country. However, it has its own merits and demerits. Indian people give much importance to family relationship. The system seems to protect the family. The parents take care of their children, and the children obey their parents. Parents find suitable spouses for their children from appropriate families. So, there is no chance of marrying outside their own religion, caste, social status or economic class. This protects the couple from the problems that usually originate from disparity of religion, caste and class. Through a marriage two families come into mutual relationship, and both families together try to work out the marriage if problems arise in the marriage. the arranged marriage system has its flaws. This system originated when child marriage was the custom in India. Children at an early age, even before their puberty, were given in marriage. Such children could not give valid consent to marriage, and so parents were consenting. The purpose of child marriage was to prevent those children from seeking by themselves (when they become adults) somebody from lower caste or lower class for marriage. It was a means of restriction to their children from marrying outside their race and social status. Thus arranged marriage system is a product of caste system. It has developed to promote racism and classism, and it is not based on any spiritual value.
Child marriages are now abolished by law, and the children are free to choose their own partners, according to law. But, you know, racism is in the blood, and the parents, even now, try to control their children by arranging marriages within the limits of race, caste, class and religion. If children find their own mates, parents would threaten them in many ways — threatening not to give them any share of family property or wealth; threatening to drive them out of their own homes. If any children marry according to their own desire, parents would consider it as a threat and shame to the family. So, many men and women just accept what their parents arrange for them. They don’t want to lose their share of property, and they don’t want to invite any shame to their family. Even if they don’t like the spouse they get, they accept what they receive and suffer the consequences silently. According to divine plan marriage should happen through love and the consent of those who marry. In arranged marriages, it is the parents who decide and give consent. Very often there is so much force and fear involved in marriage–force from the parents and fear from the part of children who wish to marry. It doesn’t fit into the modern definition of marriage which is the total partnership of the whole of life which happens through mutual consent and love of those who enter into marital union. Marriage should happen through mature decision of those who marry, and not of their parents.
It also should be noted that arranged marriages are prevalent among the high-caste and high-class people. They are the people who want to protect their “status”. People of lower strata do not care about this very much. The reason for this is: they have nothing to lose. However, they also try to imitate the way of higher level people, believing that it is something great. Another reason for arranged marriages among the lower class is ethnic rivalry and pride over their own race.Matrimonial classifieds in newspapers or help of marriage brokers are sought in arranged marriage when the family fails to find “suitable” spouses for their children. All necessary “qualifications” (racial, religious, economic, educational, etc.) of the “candidates” would be stated in the advertisement.A modern curse connected with arranged marriage is dowry. It is a social evil in India though it is prohibited by law. When they arrange a marriage, the consent of boy and girl who are to enter into marriage is not important; the negotiation is on the amount of dowry which is to be given by the girl’s family. It has become something like a trade in modern Indian culture. The girls from poor families, and the girls who are orphans are not good commodities in this trade; so they remain unmarried. If the promised dowry is not given by due date, the girl would be persecuted and thrown out by her husband’s family; or, she would die in a “domestic accident”. Do not think that I am exaggerating; it is happening in India everyday.
Another drawback of arranged marriage is that the partners to marriage do not know their future spouses before marriage. In arranged marriage it is not important at all. In many cases, the boy and girl who get ready to enter into marriage may see each other two or three times before marriage, and that meeting would be in the presence of parents and other family members. Thus, marriage happens without knowing each other. Many people who work in far away places, especially in gulf countries come home for a leave, and marriage is arranged within a week or two. Legally speaking, you do not give valid consent to accept something you do not know. It is consent that brings a marriage; and, if there is no valid consent, there is no marriage according to the law of the Catholic Church. Marriages contracted because of force or fear would be invalid according to Canon Law. If we strictly analyze, many marriages happening in India are invalidGood marriages, that are arranged, do occur. Parents who love their children, and who are not vitiated by false family pride, seek the consent of their children when they are given in marriage. “Good” arranged marriages happen when the parents help their children to find their own partners according to their own desires.
Arranged marriage system in India is bad in one sense but good in another sense. It is bad when marriage is arranged with such a hatred and prejudice over other religions, castes and races; it is bad when parents over-protect and control their children to the extent of denying every wish, and even every right of their children in choosing their partners. Arranged marriages are wonderful when parents and children love each other sincerely, and total freedom is given to children for final consent to marriage; and, when arrangements are made for the would-be-spouses to meet and to know each other.In India many people believe that by marriage a woman enters into a bondage, and in Indian situation this is pretty accurate–woman is not free. In arranged marriage, her consent is not sought; her desires have no importance; and, even if she loves somebody to be her husband, family not only doesn’t give any consideration to that but also threatens her in many ways. After marriage, in many cases, she is like a slave. She must be submissive to the abuses of the husband and his family.Whether it be arranged marriages or courtship marriage, people seek perfect husbands and perfect wives. A perfect husband or a perfect wife is a myth. No such person lives or ever lived in this world. We should not expect anyone to be 100 percent perfect. We are all called to be perfect, but we are only on the way to it. We have to accept each other with each one’s weaknesses and failings. As there is no perfect wife or perfect husband, there is no perfect marriage either. Success of marriage is in mutual understanding and acceptance, and also in mutual love and respect.

– SANJAY SINGH CHAHAR

Importance of marriage in Indian Culture

 

India is a nation with vast and ancient traditions. The country blossoms with an extensive numbers of colorful culture, languages, communities and tribes. India gives great significance to the tradition of marriage. Indian Marriages are always celebrated with great happiness and enthusiasm. Marriages in India are the most memorable event of one’s life. The Indian culture has never been rigid and that’s why it’s surviving with pride in the modern era. It timely imbibes the qualities of various other cultures and comes out as a contemporary and acceptable tradition. That is what unique about the Indian culture..it moves on with the time
Indian marriages are performed with great purity and making couple to learn the true meanings of being together. Marriage is also the only relationship, which connects the married couple for the life time. The most important thing in one’s life is to marry at right age, with the right person.
The most difficult task is to find the right person to marry and Indian people spend large amount of time for the matrimonial search. Nowadays love marriages have made easy for the parents to search an online matrimonial site. As now boys and girls find their own life partners and parents are left with the task of showering their love and blessings on their children for their happy married life. In India new concept of love marriage is introduced. It has brought a new revolutionary change in the thought process of the Indians. Now Indian marriages are of more effervescent and exaggerated, due to the participation of the young minds. But in case of the arrange marriages, the process remains the same. The matrimonial search for the potential Indian bride and groom has to go a number of phases.
Parents, friends, relatives of the particular bride or groom really have to do a proper research work before forming a grouping with the other family members. There are various different ways for matrimonial search in India. It sometimes, becomes very complicated to find a perfect match for the potential Indian bride or India groom. But with the origination of internet, it has become far easier to search an Indian groom or bride for marriage.
The Indian culture has never been rigid and that’s why it’s surviving with pride in the modern era. It timely imbibes the qualities of various other cultures and comes out as a contemporary and acceptable tradition. That is what unique about the Indian culture..it moves on with the time.

– SANJAY SINGH CHAHAR

WHY PEOPLE GET MARRRIED

Most people want to grow old with someone they love. They want to have someone to talk to, travel with and share life’s challenges with. When life gets tough, it becomes manageable if you have a caring spouse by our side. Whether you have a job or stay home, sharing a household with somebody at night and on weekends can give a sense of fulfillment in your personal and social life. 

In reality, you can get involved with someone without getting married but it can be meaningless if you think about it. Both of you know that either can give up on the relationship in a blink of an eye, creating a sense of tentativeness and insecurity. Coming with a formal marriage are respect and commitment, which can enhance the romantic value of the relationship. It’s always a great feeling to wake up with someone who has vowed to share his/her life with you, and vice versa. Stolen kisses or a late-night rendezvous are extra sweeter. Raising a family with someone you love is possibly the most intimate relationship you can have. Bringing up children and doing everything to provide them with a good life (food, shelter, education, etc.) are not easy. Kids need both a male and a female influence. When one or the other is lacking, it may interrupt normal developmental patterns and social adjustments. There may be a lot of single parents who successfully raise healthy and successful children, but it is easier and better to have two parents who work together to attain this goal.Those who have a job that pays sufficiently can financially support themselves. However, what happens when the company goes out of business or you acquire a life-threatening illness that costs you your job? The point here is not about getting married for money; rather, it is comforting to know that in marriage, the couple shares assets and helps each other through rough times including financial difficulties.

we need a witness to our lives.
There’s a billion people on the planet.
What does any one life really mean?
But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything…
The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things,
All of it… all the time, every day.
You’re saying “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.
Your life will not go unwitnessed – because I will be your witness.
– SANJAY SINGH CHAHAR