Marriage lays the foundation of a family. According to me, getting married is a must! You need to find the right person to get married to. There are two different ways that we generally follow to get married, either arranged marriage or love marriage. The former is the most commonly followed in India. However while considering both, I found out that there are certain side effects related to both the types. Let us consider one at a time.
where each time I hear the phrase “Arranged Marriage”, I recollect the song of “Apache Indian”. He goes on to describe the girl he wants to get married to “me want gal, to look after me, to make me roti…” The concept of arranged marriages is the usual norm followed in India. It is how most of the Indians get married. No matter how westernized India may have become arranged marriages are still preferred in most of the Indian families. The concepts of arranged marriage may sound impractical to the Western world but for Indians it is something they favor. It is a system, which originated when child marriage was a custom in the country.
If we consider the side effects of arranged marriage, the first thing that comes to my mind is that the boy and the girl do not get to know their future spouses before marriage. Two unknown people get married without knowing and understanding each other. I have heard of many cases from my friends that girls even do not get the opportunity to see their bridegroom before marriage. In case of arranged marriagesthe marriage itself is the beginning. They will have to start from the scratch, know each other, fall in love or rather you have to fall in love, as you have no other choice.
The matching of kundalis (horoscopes) is a must, but does that mean that the partners are compatible mentally, emotionally and also physically. One fine day you will suddenly find a person totally unknown to you and it is decided that you ought to live the rest of your life with him. According to me the rest of the life comes later, at that point of time you feel how to spend a day with him. Everything turns out to be in a haphazard condition. These are some drawbacks that one face in an arranged marriage. I also had an arranged marriage. For me it was like staying with a stranger. I remember the mornings when I used to get up and get baffled as to who was sleeping beside me and at times I used to even get afraid. But then things get all settled and you feel afraid when that person is not there beside you. That is called ‘Love’, which turns everything at ease.
Not all the love stories in love marriages have happy endings. In love marriages you come to know each other quite well, as you get to spend time with each other, fall in love, and then decide to get married. Although there is other side of the coin too, which I believe is very true. Staying with a person under the same shelter requires lot of adjustments, patience and understanding from both. Even after you spend hours with each other, situation after marriage is totally different.
In love marriages there is nothing new to discover which at times may end up making your life boring. When two people are in love, they are at their best to impress each other. They behave, they talk and they wear what the other person likes. It is after marriage that you get to know the person behind the mask. On the other hand there are couples who are still discovering each other even after several years of their marriage. This is the actual beauty of a relationship where everyday you discover a new thing about your partner.
Love or arranged both are based on empathy, responsibility, commitment, love and concern. It’s not just about initial love and attraction it needs a lot of dedication and effort to sustain a marriage. So there is nothing like an ideal marriage it’s all about the way you perceive your marriage. After all you should be happy with your life partner irrespective of love or arranged marriage.
– SANJAY SINGH CHAHAR